The air is still and there is a lasting silence
Once I was a beautiful disaster
-And I believed that true love was lost. But perhaps it was only the hope and dream of it I had pursued and my deservedness of it? Perhaps I was fortunate in reality, to have found a sense of destiny and a loyalty to myself by prioritizing to pursue it instead?
Perhaps the lesson was not in love, but in value and having priorities? In being the one who knows for certain?
Or perhaps it would have happened differently if the circumstances had been better? More fair.
Maybe I could have been better achieved? More capable of the opportunities the day holds?
What happened, happened. It’s only to move on and accept it. And I’m certain that when I commit completely with a special someone in the future I wouldn’t want to change it for another past instead of what happened, even if I could.
Since then I’ve had romances and relationships, and hopefully in the future I will find something permanent and lasting. It’s an important meaning of life for me, to build my life, personal quality and identity, and then be close and intimate with someone, experience, appreciate and acknowledge each other, aroused by each others nearness and stimulation, and love life together.
To be uplifting for each other. To validate and affirm each other. To stand by and really see each other. And to indulge in each other, much like enjoying a glass of red wine, varied with the occasion and always valuable and meaningful in just that specific unique way.
Flings, romances and relationships have their type of meaning, and life-partnerships have their.
Live alive, and when the time comes for it commit to something more developed and lasting. Being a team, lovers, a love story, a poem and best friends.
I was hoping to see someone on Valentine a few years ago, but due to unfortunate circumstances I was incapable of this.
A while later I found a white, hearth-shaped stone – while we where incapable of dating eachother – and it made me think about her and the happiness and fulfilment our dates and moments meant to me, and what I see in her. That’s why I will give it to her the next time that we share time, and perhaps also red wine, rock music and some self-glorification, as we love life together.
I was a beautiful disaster, but whatever happens instead of what didn’t, will be the real thing to value moving onwards. Onwards and upwards.
My new red running shoes are quite convenient. I’ve taken them for both a walk and a grand premiere run. Run like the wind.
Be the one who knows!
Life was a beach
Moments of beauty
-Moments captured from my destiny, like vintage polaroid pictures, yet alive with unbelievable color, with the songs, sounds, impressions, smiles, feelings and voices of friends in the air. Sometimes I selectively look back at some of the sunniest moments and paradisial beach strolls from when life was a beach.
Walking sun-kissed, tanned, with a reggae song over a beach and singing freely. Walking up to anyone; the most attractive women or the most confident of men and having creative, advanced and flirty conversations, with the team in my heart empowering me, and convincing people to come to parties, cruises or simply preparties or dinners under the sunset skies.
Finding the mountain-view villa, sauna and balcony bar around 2008, as I rode a scooter for one of the first times in my life and explored roads spontaneously. The balcony area that’s overviewing the bay, high up on the mountain, secretly stashed away, holding a bar with music. The crazy dogs that always chased you as you drove up or down the steep, steep hill up to there. Taking KT there years later, as we lived in the bungalow with the waterfall.
Niclas “The Turtle” walking around in the beach bar, spreading his fingers awkwardly and making vivid gestures, amazed by the experience and several shots of Ouzo and Absinthe, crying out: “Where the fuck am I?”, as to declare it in amazement, that he was there.
Diving in deep with a bottle of sparkling and hiding it in coral reefs among tropical fish for tourists to find during one of our many cruises.
The whole crew, gathered in the restaurant for a meeting, with the beach awaiting just 10 meters away, and Jay-Z sang: “And since I made it here, I can make it anywhere”, and it resonated with the situation.
Sitting with JRO and the others in the VIP; bottle of Goose on the table.
Designing a logo with Italian ice cream in the rooftop pool-bar with jacuzzi.
The first time we served gratin potatoes with the cruise afterparty with buffet, due to my recommendation.
Sitting with KT and wishing each other happy lives and declaring our friendships and loyalties on my birthday.
Dancing in Grabbarna Grus on Rhodos Bar street. The tropical night when we all wore tropical kimonos. Tanned, energetic, handsome young men and pretty girls.
The cocky comments, movie and celebrity quotes, funny attitudes, hard sarcasm, and being called a clown daily.
Convincing the owner that 150 people where coming for the party, so that he brought in extra chairs from the floor above, only to discover it optimistic as we counted 35-50 in reality. Taking the yelling for it as well.
The hamburgers in the alley with “Dan-the-man”, that he promised where the best on the whole island, and that left me amazed.
JRO flashing cash on the webcam while making movie quotes and acting hard-ass, as the Breeze was just about to blow him away 🙂
Me and Kristoffer, laughing about life, and how ridiculously fortunate we where, with drinks on the cruiser, my glass filled with Black Sambuca and ice. The sun, and the song: “I’ve got a feeling”. and similar party songs.
Claude and Laura, greedily claiming the best areas, leeching off my advices 🙂
Dancing on the bar in Rhodes without a shirt and the song: “Jump around” while doing silly shotguns in the air with the hands when the word was sang.
Taking photos with Patrick on the cliffs of Rhodos with the sea in the background, while not understanding how young we where.
Asking for a snack from Karim in the kitchen.
Dancing in the foams of our foam party.
High-fiving or bro-fisting with Tank.
Coming home and setting a direction in 2012. Onwards. Forward. Upwards.
For many years after this I was building and pursuing as a self employed consultant. Pursuing the life I aspired to. Only the best was good enough. After some turbulence I finally settled in Malmö. Here I build. But the bridge still holds a promise of adventures, and perhaps another beach. Maybe with travelling-companionship?
I wish I would have had a better asset and a more fair circumstance during those years. I could have done more and done it better. I also would have wished for only the best of things to happen, but I still cherish the moments that made these adventures worthy of remembrance.
I got serious when I got back to Sweden. But the smiles and memories, like polaroid pictures of another life in paradises and on beaches, will stay with me forever. I still pursue a passionate voyage, making the most of myself and life, just a more fruitful one in higher standard.
I do believe, in order to find clarity and be genuine, to live with certainty, it can be necessary to do one real thing, that you undeniably know is genuinely what you want and who you want to be. Something that perhaps requires effort, struggle or doing your best. Something – if you ask yourself with sincerity and loyalty – you deserve.
Something like going to find a beach, getting on a plane, studying or working abroad, moving to the city of your dreams or setting a career course for yourself. Perhaps going the first time to learn a sport, a dance or pursuing a talent.
Do that. Something that is most certainly you without a doubt – if you where honest and genuine – and cling on to what´s still important, but also learn to move on…
One day you’ll look back in retrospect, with moments that deserves a polaroid. Doing that will make those moments real.
Our footsteps where like poems written in the sand about the beauty life could hold. That we had becommen. The beauty that was always possible and near. The beauty just a few choices away.
“Any place is possible and near.
Live so that you wake up longing for the day and fall asleep with gratitude.”
Whatever that would mean for you, pursue it, and don’t feel pressured to aspire more than you truly do. The value is to be you and live your story.
Life is beach!
One day bridge, but not today!
